Eternally Yours Series Premiere Recap: A Vampire Comedy That Needs More Bite
Spoilers ahead for Eternally Yours Season 1, Episode 1, “Pilot.”
I was genuinely excited to check out Eternally Yours, CBS's new supernatural comedy from Ghosts creators Joe Port and Joe Wiseman. Considering how much fun Ghosts has with its supernatural characters and their ridiculous situations, the idea of a dysfunctional family of vampires sounded like another winning combination. Unfortunately, after watching the series premiere, I found myself wishing the show had delivered a few more laughs.
The concept certainly has potential. A married vampire couple who have spent 500 years together, an unusual coven with questionable supernatural abilities, and a human boyfriend who has absolutely no idea what he's getting himself into should be a recipe for comedy gold. Instead, the premiere spends much of its time introducing its characters and setting up their complicated relationships, with only a handful of moments that really stand out.
Five Hundred Years of Marriage Will Do That to You
At the center of Eternally Yours are Charles (Ed Weeks) and Liz (Allegra Edwards), a vampire couple who have been together for five centuries. Once upon a time, they were deeply in love, but apparently even eternal romance has an expiration date. These days, the two can barely tolerate each other, and their marriage has become one long argument that neither can escape.
Their household includes their daughter Emma (Helen J Shen), along with Jesse (Parker Young), Phyllis (Rose Abdoo), and their fraternal twin sons Henry (Shylo Molina) and Mort (Tristan Michael Brown). It's an interesting group, particularly because the twins have inherited very different supernatural abilities.
Henry seems to have gotten the better end of the vampire gene pool, possessing several impressive powers. Mort, on the other hand, can only read the family dog's mind. Imagine being a half-vampire and discovering that your sibling has all these incredible abilities while you're stuck having conversations with the dog.
The family has also abandoned its traditional hunting habits, choosing instead to obtain blood from a donor they found on Craigslist. Apparently, even vampires have embraced the convenience of modern living, although trusting Craigslist for your blood supply certainly sounds like a questionable decision.
Max Walks Into the Wrong House
Things get complicated when Max (Jaren Lewison), Emma's human boyfriend, arrives at the family's home without realizing who lives there. Max works as a Social Security investigator, and he's looking into Jesse, who has apparently been collecting Social Security checks since the program began.
Naturally, someone receiving benefits for that long would raise a few eyebrows, and Jesse's explanation doesn't exactly convince Max that everything is legitimate. What begins as a routine investigation quickly becomes a problem for the family, especially when Max makes it clear that he intends to dig deeper.
During the visit, Max explains that he's working to put himself through school and is studying psychology. Liz immediately sees an opportunity and decides that perhaps Max can help her and Charles work through their marriage problems.
Unfortunately, the impromptu therapy session doesn't accomplish much. Five hundred years of resentment aren't going to disappear because someone studying psychology happens to walk through the door. Meanwhile, Max remains suspicious of Jesse and decides a more thorough investigation is necessary.
That's when Charles comes up with a particularly disturbing solution: kill Max. Charles convinces Liz that eliminating their unwanted visitor could actually be good for their marriage. After all, they were happiest when they hunted together, so perhaps murdering someone as a couple will bring back that old romantic spark. It's certainly one way to approach marriage counseling.
Meeting the Parents Gets a Lot Worse
Before Charles and Liz can carry out their plan, Emma interrupts them, and Max discovers the truth about the family. Understandably, learning that your girlfriend comes from a household full of vampires is enough to make anyone reconsider their relationship.
Max wants out, and Charles isn't exactly interested in convincing him to stay. He doesn't approve of Emma dating humans in the first place and believes she should be with another vampire. Liz, however, sees things differently. She visits Max and encourages him not to give up on Emma simply because her family happens to be a little unusual. For Liz, the relationship is personal because Max and Emma remind her of the early days of her romance with Charles.
When Liz and Charles first fell in love, the leader of Charles's coven forbade him from dating her. Their relationship survived that opposition, and Liz recognizes the same determination in her daughter and Max. Despite everything that has gone wrong in her own marriage, she doesn't want Emma to lose the opportunity to experience that kind of love.
Taking Liz's advice, Max returns and stands up to Charles, making it clear that he wants to be with Emma. Charles eventually gives in, seemingly allowing the young couple to have their happy ending. Of course, that would be far too simple for this family.
Well, That Escalated Quickly
Just when things appear to be working out, Mort accidentally hits Max in the head with a miniature bust of Charles while practicing his powers. And Max dies. After spending much of the episode trying to figure out how to get rid of Max, Charles ends up bringing him back by turning him into a vampire. So much for his objections to Emma dating a human. Apparently, the solution is simply to make sure the boyfriend isn't human anymore.
It's a ridiculous way to end the premiere, but it also establishes what could become one of the show's more interesting storylines. Max has gone from investigating a suspicious Social Security recipient to becoming an actual vampire, all because he happened to fall in love with Emma. He certainly didn't sign up for any of this, and now he's stuck dealing with the consequences of joining this very unconventional family.
The TV Cave's Verdict: Eternally Yours Has Potential, but Where Are the Laughs?
As much as I wanted to love Eternally Yours, I have to admit that the series premiere was pretty middle-of-the-road for me. Coming from the creators of Ghosts, I expected a comedy that would have me laughing throughout the episode, but that simply wasn't the case.
The show has an interesting premise, and there are plenty of possibilities with this family. Charles and Liz's miserable marriage could provide some entertaining moments, while the differences between Henry and Mort's supernatural abilities have the potential to become a running joke. Mort only being able to read the dog's mind is exactly the kind of absurd humor I'd like the series to explore more often.
I also think there's something interesting about Liz and Charles trying to hold together a relationship that has lasted 500 years while watching their daughter experience the kind of love they once shared. There's room for both humor and heart in that storyline, especially now that Max has unexpectedly become part of their supernatural world.
My biggest issue is that the premiere just wasn't particularly funny. There were amusing moments, but not nearly enough of them to make me feel like I had discovered my next favorite comedy. The characters and their relationships have been established, but now the writers need to figure out how to make spending time with them consistently entertaining.
I'm not writing Eternally Yours off after one episode. I'll continue watching because I do think there's potential here, and sometimes comedies need a little time to find their footing. That said, I went into this premiere expecting more, and the show has some work to do if it wants to keep me coming back every Thursday.
For now, Eternally Yours is just okay. Hopefully, the laughs get a little sharper as the season continues, because a vampire comedy should have more bite than this.
Eternally Yours airs Thursdays at 8:30 p.m. ET on CBS and streams on Paramount+.
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